The Blog... LIVES!!!!!!

It has been more than 5 months since my last post and in that time it's been common belief that the Blog is "dead". That however is entirely false. Here's what really happened:

The Blog and I were driving home after another long day of school so we decided to get a soda or "pop" as they say on the West coast. We went to the vending machine outside the local Kroger, little did I know of what was to come. A marauding tribe of grocery carts took us by surprise. We fought valiantly for hours on end, using a series of elaborate but in no way choreographed kung fu moves. While I was holding my own against 8 of them, the Blog was hit upside the head and stubled out into the middle of the road. I asked myself WWDVD "What Would Darth Vader Do?" So I took a deep breath and yelled "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" at the top of my lungs moments before he was hit repeatedly by a truck (I later realized in the time I used saying "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" might have been better served concoting a rescue scheme of some sort, but let's not point fingers). Then the Blog was mauled by a giant, disgruntled, peach-colored demon cat who's attack's were only stopped when a gang of Playuh Hatuhs came along and fired several shots in the Blog's buttocks (I believe the scientific term is "Popping a cap in one's ass"). Then, on a clear day, lightning came and struck the Blog. The Blog was still twitching with vague signs of life. Sadly, a Ring Wraith, or Nazgul, came and stabbed the Blog with a knife that burned with the flames of 1000 Evils. The Blog was dead.

Or at least pronounced dead for 16 hours. Then I took him to a hospital instead of the cashier from Kroger where he was upgraded to "Alive, but not really". The Blog was kept alive for 45 days via a feeding tube placed in its ethernet port. Unfortunately for the Blog, someone named Terry was hogging all of the media's tube related time slots so it remained largely unknown to the populace. I visited the Blog daily with the Blog's Rabbi (Yea, the Blog's Jewish. Wanna make something of it?) until the Rabbi and I realized that in a tube-like state of existance, the Blog wasn't very fun. So the Rabbi and I parted ways.

On the 46th day, the Blog was struck again by lightning, on a little-known hospital celebration known as Take-Tube-Patients-Out-To-A-Field Day or TTPOTAF-Day. At which point the Blog was struck by lightning yet again on a cloudless day. Defying all logic, the Blog not only survived, but LIVED AGAIN!!!!

Now full conscious, the Blog decided to go to some obscure mountain range in China, believing in generic crusader-like messages such as "Evil is bad" or "I hate sand." In the obscure mountain range, the Blog trained in that crazy ninja school from Batman Begins under the tutelage of the guy who is clearly from England but has an unspeallable Asian sounding name. The Blog remained at the Crazy Ninja School for 60 days, fighting on ice rinks (in case of an attack on Kristi Yamaguchi), or facing off against the effect of some crazy mind altering blue flower (in case of an attack on Kristi Yamaguchi) along with other mind boggling feats.

At last, the Blog returned home for 3 reasons: revenge, vengeance, and avenging things. After yet another month of enjoying his triple threat crusade, the Blog realized that the Blog was kinda being redundant (what with every other movie being about super heroes these days) so the Blog returned to the mundane life with me. I, having thought the Blog dead, was not surprised in the least to see him return home. The Lord of the Rings taught me long ago that just because you see someone die, it don't mean that they're dead. But by that time it was summer break so I didn't wanna pressure the Blog into any work... until today! The Blog has promised me he won't leave for another 5 months again.
Ergo, the Blog will return again any time between next week (when school starts) and 4 months and 29 days from now.

As Caesar once said:
Pax outus Fra (Peace out bro)